In the future we'll all be gay
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
