jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I understand Curling. That high.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
