I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
