At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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