So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Houston, we have a blender
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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