she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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