if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
