oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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