one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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