Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
