2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
