I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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