I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
