I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
