is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
