somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
