question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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