if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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