i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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