and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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