And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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