We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
