After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
