Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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