I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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