I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
