no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Randomize
