Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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