They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
