Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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