We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Let's paint friendship bongs
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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