just come out here and I will go home with you...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
