Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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