I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
