babies were throwing up all over the place
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
