wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
