he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
