Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
