i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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