i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
