I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
i think i just lost a toe
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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