you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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