well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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