Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
