Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
