I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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