Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
