So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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