Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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