FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
