I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
