weddingsv make me drug and hornr
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just want nice things and good sex
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
