So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
