I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
