I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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