This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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